New Day Says Booty To Stuff
by Smart Mark
Summary: Again, read the title of the story
1. Chapter 1

OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH, READERS! DON'T YOU DARE BE SOUR! CLAP FOR YOUR NEW SERIES STARRING YOUR WORLD FAMOUS, TWO TIME CHAMPS, and Dean Ambrose, AND FEEEEEL THE POWAAAAAAA!

Dean: Are you going to do that at the beginning of every episode?

Big E: Yup.

Dean: Oh, Christ. You know what? Let's just start this. Ladies and like two gentlemen, welcome to the spin off of my show, Dean Ambrose Says Nope To Stuff, New Day Says Booty To Stuff. The format is basically the same accept, I say a person or a thing, and a member of New Day call it booty. You understand? No? You're a retard. First thing. Eva Marie.

Big E: Booty! (Oh, so much booty! She friggin' sucks! Holy Shit!)

Dean: Rihanna's new album.

Kofi: Booty (Don't listen to it, man!)

Dean: Anything that has to do with Total Divas.

Xavier: Booty ( Kill It! Kill it with fire!)

Dean: The fact that the Bella Twins have fans.

Big E: Booty

Dean: Ryback winning the IC title last year.

Kofi: Feed me Booty!

Dean: The Divas Revolution storyline.

Xavier: Booty (Really, WWE? You constructed this whole thing. You brought three great talents from NXT in Sasha Banks, Becky Lynch, and Charlotte for this bullshit?! You gave us false hope that things were gonna change in the Women's division. The only reason you brought them up was to hide the fact that Nikki Bella was going to break AJ's record. She didn't defend the damn belt once from the time the NXT girls came up, to that shitty RAW episode where Nikki broke the record. That whole storyline was just a big fuck you to AJ, the fans, and the whole division. Nikki Bella fucking sucks!)

Kofi: Whoa, X! Calm down. Don't let negativity win.

Xavier: I'm sorry, pops. It's just, as long as we have shitty women wrestlers like Nikki, Brie, Eva Marie, and Cameron, the Divas Division will never be taken seriously. Hell, if we keep calling them Divas, they won't be taken seriously.

Dean: For once, I agree with you Xavier.

Big E: WEEEEEELL, THAT'S THE END, FOLKS! SEE YOU NEXT TIME! IT'S A NEW DAY, YES IT IS!

Dean: Will you quit it with the goddamn yeling?!


	2. Chapter 2

New Day: AYYYYYYY WE WANT SOME NEW DAY, AYYYYYY WE WANT SOME NEW DAY, AYYYYY WE WANY SOME NEW DAY!

Dean: OOOOOOH, I WISH YOU'D GO AWAY!

Big E: That was some major booty right there, Ambrose.

Dean: Whatever, just do the stupid intro thing.

Big E: OOOOOOOOOOHHHHH, READERS! DON'T YOU DARE BE SOUR (Like Ambrose) CLAP FOR YOUR TWO TIME CHAMPS AND FEEL THE POWAAAAAA!

Dean: My damn head.

Xavier: Booty

Dean: We didn't start yet, ass.

Big E: So start, white boy!

Dean: Call me that one more time and I swear to Christ, I will rip both your arms right the fuck out of the socket and shove them both down your throat! Got It?

Big E: You... You don't scare me.

Dean: I said GOT IT?!

Big E: Yes.

Dean: Good, now let's start. The handling of mid card talent in WWE.

Kofi: Booty. (More like mishandling. People like Neville and Tyler Breeze are stuck in mid card hell, because the writers don't give a shit about the secondary guys. Instead of building new stars, they decide to have them lose to Big Show and Kane.)

Dean: The fact that Kanye took his album off of ITunes.

Xavier: Booty ( Damn you, Tidal!)

Dean: Fall Out Boy's last record.

Big E: Booty (That Centuries song sucked all the balls.)

Dean: Alberto Del Rio's return to the company.

Kofi: Booty ( Soooooo boooooring.)

Dean: Hideo Itami still being out with a shoulder injury.

Xavier: Booty ( What the hell happened?)

Dean: Like half of the roster being out with injuries.

Big E: Booty! ( What the Fuck Is Going On?! Tell me why all the champions from last years Wrestlemania are all out with injuries. Seriously!)

Dean: We're done now.

Kofi: What?

Dean: We're done!

Kofi: How?

Dean: We Are Out of Time, Retards!

New Day: You don't have to be so obnoxious, Dean.

Dean: AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!


	3. Chapter 3

OOOOOOHHH, READERS! DON'T YOU DARE BE SOUR, CLAP FOR YOUR WORLD FAMOUS 2 TIME CHAMPS (And Dean Ambrose), AND FEEEEEEL THE POWAAAAAAAA!

Dean: I've got a motherfucking street fight with Brock Lesnar in three damn weeks, and I still gotta deal with this bullshit?!

Xavier: Yup, it's in your contract.

Dean: I swear to god, I'm gonna get a migraine if I do anymore of this shit. Let's go. First up, Sunny's sex tape.

Xavier: Booty (Why was that a thing?!)

Dean: The new Ghostbusters movie.

Big E: Booty ( And it's not because the cast is all females, okay? You oversensitive pricks! Look at the trailer!)

Dean: The Damn Daniel thing.

Kofi: Booty (There is absolutely, positively nothing funny about this bulllshit!)

Dean: Ryback vs Kalisto at Mania.

Big E: Booty (Why is Ryback still doing stuff? Nobody gives a crap, anymore.)

Dean: The fact that Tyler Breeze's push was killed before it even started.

Xavier: Booty (He was in developmental for 5 years. 5 FUCKING YEARS, and this is the reward he gets for alone his hard work? Seriously, Vince?)

Dean: Michael Cole's announcing.

Big E: Booty (We want Mauro Ranallo on RAW, damnit!)

Dean: WWE burying Zack Ryder for no damn reas- Damn it, Zack! Get your ass down here!

Zack: What?

Dean: What did I tell you about messing with my bag of questions?

Zack: I'm sorry, I just wanted to be included in the show for once.

Dean: I'm beating the shit outta you when this episode is over.

Big E: Hey, give the man a break.

Kofi: Yeah! That is a genuine topic.

Xavier: This man got himself over with no one's help and that's what you're supposed to do, but it seemed like WWE was mad that they weren't the ones who did it for him. He grabbed the brass ring and the company didn't like it, so they snatched it away from him.

New Day: And that's booty!

Dean: Wow, that's so true... I'm still beating your ass for messing with my shit, come here!


	4. Chapter 4

OOOOOOOH, READERS! DON'T YOU DARE BE SOUR! CLAP FOR YOUR WORLD FAMOUS, TWO TIME CHAMPS (And Dean Ambrose), AND FEEEEL THE POWAAAAAAAA!

Dean: Neville's injury.

Big E: Booty (We're only two weeks away from Wrestlemania and this crap happens?)

Xavier: Wait a second. Dean, are you okay?

Dean: I'm fine, why?

Xavier: Well, usually when E does the intro you get angry or make some pessimistic comment, but today, nothing.

Dean: Eh, I got most of my anger out when I beat the shit out of Zack the other day. I'm cool.

Xavier: Oh, that's not disturbing at all.

Dean: Whatever. Next, Paige in 2016.

Big E: Booty (What happened to you, girl? You look like a damn scarecrow with all that makeup on. You used to be the anti-dva. Now you're just a British version of The Bellas.)

Dean: Yeah, that's why I dumped her ass. Renee's cooler.

Xavier: Didn't she and 3 other chicks try to rape you a few months ago?

Dean: I got over it, dude. Renee isn't that bad. She's the thing that balances out all my anger.

Kofi: Along with beating the fuck out of people?

Dean: Exactly. Now, let's get back on track. The ladder match for the IC Title.

Big E: Booty ( What the hell happened to Sami Zayn vs Kevin Owens in a one on one match at Mania? Where the fuck did Zack, Sin Cara, and Stardust come from?! Why, why, why?!)

Zack: Who cares?! I got a damn Wrestlemania match! Hell Yeah!

Dean: Good for you, now go away!

Zack: Fuck You, Dean!

Dean: That's why your girlfriend was going after me first, bitch!

New Day: OOOOOOHHH!

Zack: What?

Dean: Emma tried to screw me, remember?!

Zack: That's hurtful.

Dean: I don't give a shit! Damn it, I was in a good fucking mood today, too. Fuck this, I'm going home. Big E, close this shit down!)

Big E: Okay, then. WEEELL, THAT'S IT YA'LL! SEE YOU NEXT WEEK! (I'm serious.)


	5. Chapter 5

Xavier: Hey, Big E.

Big E: What's up, X?

Xavier: I wanna do the intro thing this time.

Big E: I don't know man. Are you sure?

Dean: Please! Jesus Christ, let him do it!

Big E: Okay, bro. Do your thing.

Xavier: Yes! Okay, okay. Let's do this. Readers, this is New Day Says Booty To Stuff starring your _W, W, E, World, Tag, Team, Champions!_ And Dean Ambrose.

Dean: That was better than Big E's. By better I mean less annoying and loud. Maybe Xavier should do the intro from now on.

Xavier: Nah, I only wanted to do it once.

Dean: Fucking Hell! You know what, I don't care. First thing, Eva Marie on RAW this week.

Kofi: Booty (What in the absolute fiery hell were they thinking?! And you know what's even worse about this whole thing? They thought she was going to get a face reaction! They thought the crowd actually was going to cheer for her! The fuck?! Get her off my damn TV screen.

Dean: Amen to that. Baron Corbin.

Big E: Booty ( Damn it, I tried. I really wanted to like this dude, but he's just so bad. Him and his weird ass belly button need to get off NXT.)

Dean: The build to the Triple Threat Divas Title Match at Mania.

Xavier: Booty (Now, don't get me wrong. This match is going to be great, but the road to the match hasn't been good at all. Why were Sasha and Becky teaming up for a month? There was no need for Team BAD to get involved, actually Team BAD should've never existed along with the two other factions. But I've ranted about the divas revolution enough.)

Dean: Stephanie McMahon being at NXT Takeover.

Kofi: Booty (No! No! Stay the hell away from NXT! I don't need you getting ideas of how you're going to emasculate Samoa Joe and American Alpha by slapping them until they cry!)

Dean: If that happens, I'm quitting. Alright, last one. Roman Reigns' booking over the last year.

Big E: Booty (Come on WWE, come on. It's not that damn hard! All you had to do was portray him as a mean, scary, borderline psychotic monster. He needed to be going out there and beating the shit out of anyone who got in his way. Not, telling motherfucking tater tots jokes! The sad thing is, you knew what to do. At TLC, when he beat Triple H to a pulp, the crowd cheered! Then on RAW the next night, when he beat up Vince and one the title, the crowd cheered again! And what was the common denominator between those two nights? They both involved Roman Reigns beating the fuck out of people. When Roman gets booed out of the building tonight, you'll have no one to blame but yourselves. Fucking morons.)

Dean: We're done now. We've got to go prepare for our matches tonight. See you people later.


	6. Wrestlemania Issues

Dean: Really, Zack? Really?

Zack: What?

Dean: You won the IC title at Wrestlemania and then lost it the next fucking day!

Zack: Hey! At least I didn't have a shitty hardcore match with Brock Lesnar and lose!

Dean: My match didn't suck.

Zack: It was a damn no holds barred match with no blood! There was no blood in a match with a build up that included Mick Foley and Terry Motherfucking Funk! That makes no sense.

Dean: Well I'm not the one that booked the shit!

Zack: I didn't book my shit either!

Dean and Zack just stared at each other for a few seconds before The New Day came barging in.

Big E: Hey, hey, hey brothers! None of us had any control over what happened last Sunday. You think we wanted to go out there and job for The Potato Express? (Credit to Wrestling Soup for that name.) If we were going to do that stuff with the legends, why not have us win, the League of Booty attack us after the match and then the legends come out? That would've been better then having the most boring, uncharismatic stable in the company beating the champions.

Xavier: When it comes to you Zack, if they were going to have you drop the strap the next day, why to The Miz? No one, I repeat, no one, wants The Miz to be a champion again. Also, let's be honest, you winning the title made no sense at all. You literally came out of nowhere. You've done nothing on the main roster from 2015 to now! And they didn't even bring up Mojo with you. All they had to do was have him help you out during the ladder would've made sense and it would have brought someone new to the table.

Kofi: And Dean. Well, Zack already explained what went wrong with you.

Big E: The point is, the only person or people to blame in this situation is WWE Creative. You guys suck.

Zack: Woo Woo Woo, You Know It.

Dean: Amen to that.

Kofi: Yo, forget today's episode. Let's go get somethin' to eat. I'm starving.

Dean: Alright, let's do it. See you next week, kids.


End file.
